I entered this Process as a deeply hurt young man, clearly in denial about my past and unresolved pain. At the time, I was married to my second wife, and we had been together for five years. Prior to that, I had been married to my first wife for ten years, and together we had six children.
My childhood was marked by significant hardship. I was raised by a single mother and was the youngest of nine siblings. Growing up, I endured multiple abusive stepfathers, and from the age of 7, I was prevented from attending school because I became my mother’s emotional safety net and constant companion. My formal education ended in Year 2, but my responsibilities as a caretaker began early. At just 13 years old, I entered the workforce full-time. By age 15, I was already in a relationship with a 24-year-old neighbour who had a two-year-old child with a disability. I moved in with her when I was 16, and we eventually married. Over the years, we had six children, all born close in age. We divorced in 2012, after a long and intense chapter of my life.
At 18, I left my job in retail and transitioned into aged and disability support work, where I found a sense of purpose. In 2013, I remarried, but that union ended in 2018.
By November/December of 2017, I was fully entrenched in my role as a full-time team leader in disability services, married, and seemingly living a full life. Yet beneath the surface, I was harbouring deep wounds from my past. I had shut out most of the pain I carried from childhood and relationships, unaware that I had been living in denial of the trauma and abuse I’d experienced. I didn’t even recognize my own identity.
When I first began the Hoffman Process, I spent the first two days trying to find any excuse to leave. I didn’t believe I belonged there. In fact, I had convinced myself that I was simply headed to Byron Bay for a relaxing eight days in the sun and sand—how wrong I was! Once I let go of my defences and fully embraced the Process, I came alive. For the first time, I began to explore my memories and reexamine the events of my past, realizing that many of these so-called “memories” were just stories I had been told repeatedly until I believed them to be true. Through this exploration, I began to discover who I truly was—who Ben really is—and what I stand for. This self-exploration challenged me to confront my beliefs, question my past, and uncover my true identity.
Leaving the Hoffman Process, I was clear-headed, focused, and determined to make the changes necessary to live authentically. I had numerous conversations with my counsellor, and Emma, who facilitated my journey, and I knew that if I didn’t act within the first month of completing the process, I would risk slipping back into denial, existing rather than living.
In January 2018, I made the difficult decision to leave my marriage. A month later, I faced another heartbreak when my eldest brother passed away from a heart attack aged 40. By April, I resigned from my beloved position and company, and in June, I made the painful decision to cease all contact with my mother and family. While they may have been my blood, they no longer fit into the life I was creating for myself. I needed to break free from old, familiar, and harmful patterns to make space for new opportunities and growth.
Since 2018, I have continued to revisit the lessons from the Process, constantly challenging myself and pushing the boundaries of what life has to offer. I no longer allow limits or others expectations to define me.
Today, at 42, I am openly gay and have been in a same-sex relationship for the past 4.5 years. I am also the CEO and founder of AdaptCARE www.adaptcare.com.au a registered disability and nursing provider. I have made it my mission to empower those around me to push their own boundaries, explore the vast opportunities life has to offer, and to truly live—not just exist—while embracing their own identities with confidence and pride.
